// DE-PEGGED · MAY 2026 · AGAIN

$1.00

± EVERYTHING.

$usdtshit is the most stable shitcoin on Solana. One dollar, give or take everything. Reserves located somewhere. Audited (allegedly) by Steve, my cousin, who is "looking into it" since 2017. Stable. Allegedly.

[ BUY (ALLEGEDLY) ] // READ DISCLAIMERS
CONTRACT FxjYPSFixNz85KGXKWADPZwe8eMdbpd7WaEmCh2qCNAF

// THE DISCLAIMER PAGES

Six promises. All asterisked.

Most stablecoins bury their disclaimers on page 47 of a PDF nobody reads. We put ours on the front page. Honest stablecoin. $1.00, asterisks attached.

01

Pegged to the dollar*

$usdtshit maintains a 1:1 peg with the U.S. dollar. The peg may, occasionally, be 1:0.04. The peg may also be 1:1.18. The peg has never been 1:1, but on average, mathematically, it sort of is.

* peg is decorative
02

Fully backed**

Every $usdtshit is fully backed by U.S. Treasuries, cash, commercial paper, Bitcoin (on Mt. Gox), promises, and other assets we'd rather not specify. The exact ratio is "favorable."

** see footnote 47
03

Audited (allegedly)***

We are audited by Steve, my cousin. Steve does not work in finance. Steve has confirmed everything is fine. Steve is currently on vacation. We will follow up with Steve when he returns.

*** Steve is not an auditor
04

Always redeemable****

You can redeem your $usdtshit for $1.00 at any time. The redemption process takes between 5 minutes and 7 years. Some redemptions are pending since 2014. The redemption desk is closed today.

**** desk closed indefinitely
05

Reserves are real*****

Our reserves are real. They exist in a physical location. We have, at this time, lost the address. Steve has the address but Steve is on vacation. The reserves are real. We just can't show you them right now.

***** address misplaced
06

Transparent******

We publish a quarterly attestation. The attestation is one paragraph. The paragraph says "everything is fine, trust us, we are auditing it ourselves now." The attestation has not been updated since Q3 2017.

****** trust me bro
USDTSHITCOIN banknote front

// THE OFFICIAL NOTE

The Federal Fake Reserve Note. Front side.

Every $usdtshit is, in spirit, a one-dollar bill. We have designed an official note for the spirit. It comes with engraved guilloché security pattern, microprint along the edges that says TRUSTMEBROTRUSTMEBRO repeated infinitely, and a portrait of Mr. Tether McShitcoin.

"THIS NOTE PROMISES TO PAY THE BEARER, ON DEMAND,
ONE U.S. DOLLAR ($1.00) plus or minus everything,
subject to availability, peg conditions, regulatory
weather, founder's mood, and reserves we are
right now actively trying to locate."

The DE-PEGGED stamp is permanent. We tried to remove it. It came back darker. The stamp now believes it is the note.

// THE BACK OF THE NOTE

A chart pretending to be a monument.

Where a real bill has the Lincoln Memorial, this one has a chart of our peg history. The chart starts at $1.00 and stays there for a while. Then there is an event. Then it does not stay there.

The arrow on the chart points to the de-peg event. We added it for context. For context, we de-pegged.

USDTSHITCOIN banknote back

// THE PAPERWORK

Three documents. All concerning.

Every regulated financial product comes with three things: a label, a receipt, and an ATM error. We have all three.

Stable Facts label
// STABLE FACTS · LABEL
Real Value: $0.04. Pegging: ± everything.
Receipt printout
// RECEIPT · ITEMIZED
Subtotal $1.09. Total delivered $0.04.
ATM error screen
// ATM · ERROR
"Peg has left the building."
Audit spreadsheet

// THE AUDIT, IN FULL

The full spreadsheet.

The audit was performed by Steve, my cousin. The spreadsheet shows our stated reserves alongside our actual reserves. The stated column reads $110.0B. The actual column reads $0.04.

Steve has reviewed the discrepancy. Steve has confirmed everything is fine. Steve has stamped the document AUDITED. Steve is now on a 6-month vacation. Steve is not reachable by email.

The cousin's couch column does, in fairness, reconcile at 100%. We feel that's worth noting. The couch is solid. The couch is backed.

// BY THE NUMBERS

Real values. All asterisked.

$1.00
// stated peg
$0.04
// real value
±∞
// peg variance
1B
// supply (allegedly)

// THE DEPEG LOG · SINCE LAUNCH

Six events. All temporary.

// MARCH 2025

FIRST WOBBLE

Peg drops to $0.97 for 8 hours. We issue a press release: "everything is fine." The press release is also signed by Steve. The peg returns. Trust restored.

// JUNE 2025

SLIGHT WANDER

Peg drops to $0.84 for 3 days. We pause redemptions "to upgrade the system." The system was upgraded with a new logo. The logo says STABLE. The peg returns.

// SEPTEMBER 2025

BRIEF EXCURSION

Peg drops to $0.41 for one weekend. We blame "market conditions" and "Russia." The peg returns by Monday. Three regulators ask questions. Steve answers all of them.

// JANUARY 2026

UNFORTUNATE DIP

Peg drops to $0.13 for two weeks. We rebrand the dip as "Reserve Stress Testing Mode." The mode passes. We give ourselves a stability award at our own gala.

// MARCH 2026

THE INCIDENT

Peg vanishes entirely for 6 hours. The chart shows a single vertical line going down. We refer to this as a "data visualization issue." Steve is consulted. Peg returns.

// MAY 2026

CURRENT EVENT

Peg currently at $0.04 ± $0.04. Audit pending. Steve on vacation. Press release scheduled for Q4. We remain confident in the long-term stability of the protocol.

// HOLDER TRANSMISSIONS

From the bag. All concerned.

PG
peg.holder
@peg · 4h

tried to redeem 100 $usdtshit for 100 dollars. got back 4 dollars and a handwritten note that says "we'll get you the rest". the note is signed by steve. unironically holding.

RE
reserves.eth
@reserves · 2h

checked the $usdtshit reserves page. it has one entry: "see attestation." the attestation is from 2017. the 2017 attestation says "see reserves page." it's a perfect closed loop. cinema.

ST
steve.cousin
@steve · 1h

I just wanted to confirm that I, Steve, have personally audited $usdtshit and everything is fine. Anyway I'm on vacation, please direct further inquiries to my cousin who runs the project

DP
depeg.dev
@depeg · 12m

the wildest part about $usdtshit is that the disclaimers are all on the front page. you don't have to dig. they just hand them to you. transparency theatre but actually transparent. holding.

// MERCH PACK · FOR DEXSCREENER

Pre-rendered. All static.

Drop into Dexscreener. Walk away. Don't ask questions about the reserves. There are no questions. There are no reserves either. Just hold.

Token icon 500
// SEAL · 500×500 PNG
token-500.png
DOWNLOAD
Token icon 200
// PROFILE · 200×200 PNG
token-100.png
DOWNLOAD
// BANNER · 600×200 PNG
token-600x200.png
DOWNLOAD
OG
// OG · 1200×630 PNG
og.png
DOWNLOAD

// HOW TO DEPLOY

  1. Open your token on Dexscreener → "Edit info."
  2. Upload token-500.png as the icon.
  3. Upload token-100.png as profile (static — no GIFs).
  4. Upload token-600x200.png as the banner.
  5. Paste this site as the website. Add X / TG. Pretend everything is fine.

// SHIPS WITH

  1. hero.jpg — banknote-style hero with portrait.
  2. banknote-front.jpg + banknote-back.jpg — full bill.
  3. receipt.jpg — itemized fee receipt with barcode.
  4. stable-facts.jpg — Nutrition Facts-style label.
  5. atm-error.jpg — green CRT ATM error screen.
  6. audit.jpg — spreadsheet with red AUDITED stamp.
$usdtshit SOLANA 1B SUPPLY 0/0 TAX $1.00 ± ∞